Sunday, April 28, 2013

J-Fashion Meet up in Vienna ♥

On Saturday there was this big J-fashion meet up in Vienna, and I was there, dressed in Lolita!
It was my second time outside in public wearing Lolita, but it was sooo much better then the first time. People around me were much friendlier and very positive about my outfit and styling. No stupid comments, except for one women who burst into laughter when I passed by, however she seemed a bit crazy overall, so I couldn't care less :)

I didn't take any photos myself except for few cell phone shots, but other people took many photos and you can find some on the Austrian Lolita Fashion facebook page, as well as on greencat's facebook. He really is a talented photographer, and when I looked at his dA account I noticed that he is also the photographer of last year's winning picture of the Aninite photography contest! It even made its way to 9gag at some point if I remember correctly. I really love his work! (and now I'm even more excited about making a cosplay myself and maybe being photographed by him again if it turns out nicely, haha :D )

Photographer: greencat (facebook/deviantart)

Friday, April 26, 2013

There are no shortcuts in life

I got really depressing news today. I got a rejection email from the research institute where I basically applied for my dream job.

I am so incredibly sad and disappointed now. I know it's my own fault for getting my hopes up so high. I know I should have known better from the beginning than to expect anything positive, after all I knew there were other applicants even from my own university - one of them probably having better grades than me and a better thesis topic. Still, it hurts me so much to see my dreams for the future crumble to dust.

I was expecting to prove myself to the people there during the internship, to facilitate getting into the PhD program at that place next January. I was hoping it would help me make up for the "lost" time before I started my current study - I studied at the university of Vienna for 2 years before I found the "right" thing for me, and these years are completely wasted and lost, and as it seems now, will forever be.

Now I can't stop wondering what the reason for the rejection was.
Do I come across to unfriendly? Is it the content of my letter of motivation?
Is it my grades? Is 1.4 still not good enough, considering that I have some "bad" grades in some of the main subjects like Chemistry or Clean Room Training?
Is it my thesis topic, which, as I found out too late, even contains a word that is used in the fucking wrong context, because at that time I didn't know any better and nobody bothered to tell me until after it had been approved?
Or is it the fact that I have only worked for every single summer since I was 16, the last years all in scientific companies or institutes, to prove my motivation and polish up my CV?

I am so disappointed right now.
I got my former internships always because I knew somebody, somewhere, who was able to help me one or the other way to get into some interesting position and work there for a few weeks. I thought that by now, I'd have proven myself enough to get a position only with my own skills and experience. I was so wrong.

I wonder if I will ever find a job that way.
I'm the first in my family to go into scientific research, so I don't have any "connections". I have no doctors or scientists in my family and got my previous two jobs thanks to chance encounters and was incredibly lucky that I knew someone who knew someone who knew someone... etc.
Now my "connections" are depleted. I can go back to a place I have previously been, but what for? I really wish to get into a specific direction, and working in a completely sifferent area of research won't help me to get accepted there any more than it already does.

I really don't know what to think anymore.
I regret so many life choices I made, that I sometimes think it would have been better if I had never started to go to university at all. Maybe I would be so much better off as an office worker or if I had done an apprenticeship. I wanted to become a confectioner once. For real. People have told me it would have been a waste, but honestly - what have I proven so far other than that I know how to make use of connections? Nobody wants me solely because of my skills or wits or because I achieved this or that. People don't want me. How much will this change if I just do more and more, when at the same time I get older and older and the same grave mistakes remain like fat and ugly stains in my CV?

I feel depleted of all energy now. I am drained, I don't know how I'll manage to study for the exam in June.

Of course I'll try to find something else. It was my mistake from the beginning to apply for one job only. I told myself I wouldn't mind if I don't get it and that I could work on the flat renovation instead. But I don't feel comfortable with that actually. I wanna do something, I wanna learn and prove myself, I want to get a chance to do that. I will try to find another job, even if it's probably already far too late by now.

I just realized that I'm not afraid anymore that nobody might wanna talk to me at the class reunion next week. I don't wanna talk anyway.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

New Lolita stuff: Big Bodyline Review

So after quite some ordeal and fearful waiting, my Bodyline order finally arrived safely last week! This time, the imminent disaster was apparently just a tracking error, and I even had to pay only 10€ tax (not 65€ like the last time -_-)

Since I've been trying to google for reviews of certain items before and rarely found any detailed ones, I decided to make one on my own this time, to hopefully help future buyers to make their decisions! So in this blogpost, I'm gonna review the items L144, L416 and L514 with tons of pictures :) I hope it's useful to somebody! 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Review: GEO Magic Color 3tone series

 It's been a while since my last circle lenses review on my blog - so I'm happy to present you a review of GEO Magic Color 3tone lenses model CM-904 (blue) !

These lenses were kindly sponsered by First a bit of information about their shop, before I get to the actual review!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

A difficult face

I've been considering for a while now whether or not I should talk about this topic again here, but yesterday I found a video that really made me wanna write a blog post about this topic once again. Most of you might actually have already seen it, as it went kinda-viral in the past 24 hours. It's a promotional video by Dove, the company that in recent years caught public attention with its ""Natural Beauty" line of marketing, that aims to show us a more realistic image of especially women in advertisements.

Before I tell you anything more about it, I suggest you go and watch the video, and make up your mind about it:

The campaign also has its own homepage where you can see the pictures that were drawn in the process of this little "experiment", you can find it here. There is actually another, slightly longer version of the video too, which can be found here.

So, first off, I can tell you that I saw the video yesterday, a friend of mine posted it on facebook and it had a huge impact on me. Yes, I cried. Because when I listened to these women talking about themselves in such a negative way, I could hear myself. I think the video has a very beautiful, positive message, but it seems that its message does not get across in the same way to everyone, or rather that it is perceived very differently by different people. Such as the person who wrote this on their tumblr - go and read please, as there are a lot of points mentioned that I want to pick up and talk about.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Online Shopping Ordeal

Since I'm down with the cold I don't really have anything exciting to write about, nor do I have any pictures to show, nevertheless I wanted to write an update about what's currently happening in my life.

If you're following me on my twitter you're probably already sick of my ranting about how much I hate online shopping. Well, in fact I don't actually 'hate' it per se, I'm just that kind of person who always has really really bad luck when it comes to online shopping.

Some of you might remember the troubles I had with my first Bodyline order, where the customs office taxed the package wrong because DHL was too incompetent to write the amount of postage I payed somewhere on the package or bill. I ended up paying 63€ tax for a 70€ order (including postage). I guess you can imagine my frustration.

With my second BL order I was a bit more lucky, except for the fact that I got the bill from the Finnish customs and didn't understand a word of it, not even after translating it with the help of a friend. People at the post office didn't know anything about it either and then I also got two separate bills which confused me even more, especially since I didn't know which bank account number to pay to (there were like two or three on these papers). I ended up paying the right amount after I got a third invoice where the whole amount and correct bank account number were stated a few weeks later.

So after Christmas I decided to transfer some of my money to paypal to do some online shopping once in a while...

Sunday, April 7, 2013

From: Me - To: Myself

Hello everyone!
Are you enjoying your week end?

I'm having a lazy Sunday here, but at least I finally did something I wanted to do since I moved here a few weeks ago - I occupied a shelf in the bathroom previously used for storing towels and put my make up there! So now I finally have a place where I can store all my stuff and don't have to rummage through dozens of little bags and boxes in my wardrobe :)

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Ceci n'est pas le Printemps

Easter holidays have passed and I am back to university - and while we're already in the middle of the "summer semester" spring has barely begun to show its traces in my parents' garden. I don't really mind though. I don't mind the cold and not even the snow that's still falling, even in Vienna.

I still took the freedom to wear something "sping" themed last week end when my family gathered at my parents' place for the holidays. I decided to wear my rose-print Lolita dress for the first time!