Thursday, October 24, 2013

Not quite dead (yet)


Yes, yes I'm still alive, more or less!

I'm having a rather busy time lately, with the new semester, my new job, and some work that's still left from my internship. And of course the renovation. To be quite honest, I am not sure how to handle all this at the moment, and for a while I've been thinking about quitting with blogging in general.
On one hand, it's still fund to post and see some response and sometimes even discussion in the comments, it's fun to write and take pictures. But on the other hand, it kinda stresses me out. To think "Oh, I should post about this" or "I still have to take pictures of that because I wanted to make an entry" all the time, that's just not very pleasant if you're out from 07:00am till 06:00pm and when you get home you just wanna eat and sleep before the new day starts. And of course, as a 'lazy student' I also have some homework to do, study for exams etc.

As some of you might now I started to study at a new University for my Master's degree. My plans are to do a PhD afterwards too, but I'm starting to be less and less sure about that. While I enjoy working in research a lot and I love learning new things, this path that I'm on seems to have a rather... destructive effect on my mental state. I hope that with my new job, things will be a bit better. People there are really, really nice and the work seems interesting. It's just that from my experience this starts to look like an exception to the rule. And while I do think that some of the 'hardships' in the last years have made me somehow stronger, there are some things I am sure that I won't be able to endure again. So if it comes to that, I will probably not be strong enough to carry on. And the bad thing about science is that once you quit... you're probably gonna have a hard time to get back on track. If I'm not strong enough and this whole things turns into a monster that eats me up, I really don't know what's gonna be left of me....

Well, I guess I will continue blogging after all, I just won't make any promises any more that I will write more often because I really think I won't be able to keep that promise. Maybe if I wrote shorter entries, but then again, this wouldn't really be me. Expressing myself in few words is just not my strength. And in the end what I miss most are the times where I had more free time and energy do take pictures of my daily life, my look of the day or outfit of the day. Right now, I'm just running around in pants and random T-Shirt, with no make up and glasses, because I have absolutely no energy to get up earlier in the morning to do my make up or such. It's frustrating, really, and it also kinda makes me unhappy. Like a vicious cycle - unhappy feelings, no motivation, more unhappy feelings, and so on.

Anyway, maybe it's just a phase that will go away after a while. I really hope so, because I enjoy blogging as such and I am glad for all the acquaintances I've made thanks to it. But I suppose with my new occupation and studies I just won't have as much time as before. Also, I think my own sanity is maybe not at its best state at the moment, and while for a while my blog was a good way for me to cope with that, I am not sure if it would be the right way this time.

In the end all I can say is that I hope you still somehow enjoy passing by from time to time and read about my ramblings :) With the upcoming holiday (1st Nov) I might have some time to prepare some blog posts for the next weeks, so it doesn't get too quite around here.


  1. Don´t stress yourself too much!
    And stay strong ! ୧꒰๑͒•͈ꇵ͒•͈๑͒꒱୨ᵎᵎ✧

    I´m looking forward to read much more Posts of you!

  2. Ich wünsche dir ganz viel Kraft.

  3. Ich finde, dass du dich nicht so unter Druck setzen solltest. Ich habe das auch eine gewisse Zeit lang gemacht - was eben darin ausartete, dass ich kaum noch Lust hatte zu bloggen oder Blogs zu lesen. Ich dachte auch darüber nach, aufzuhören und legte es erstmal auf Eis. Ich startete nach einigen Monaten neu, mit dem Vorsatz, mich nie mehr so unter Druck zu setzen. Und es klappt x3
    Es ist kein Weltuntergang, wenn du über dies und jenes mal nicht bloggst oder wenn du hier und da keine Fotos hast. Es soll ja Spaß machen, und so behandele ich es auch, und glaub mir, seitdem klappt es so viel besser!
    Harte Zeiten hat man immer an und vergeht und es kommen auch wieder bessere :)

    1. Es ist ja nicht so dass ich keine Lust habe Fotos zu machen, zu schreiben usw. Aber wenn ich dann heim komme bin ich einfach so fertig dass ich ernsthaft die Kraft nicht finde vom Sofa aufzustehen und den Laptop anzuschalten damit ich was schreiben kann. Der 'Druck' kommt eigentlich nur daher dass ich eigentlich recht viele ideen habe, die auch gerne umsetzen würde, aber... Naja. Danke jedenfalls :) Wird schon irgendwie.

  4. huhu :)
    erstmal: stress dich nicht. Wenn du Zeit hast, dann schreibst du was und fertig. Ich lese gerne von dir, aber ich glaube nicht, dass jemand dir böse ist oder dich entfolgt, weil du nur... keine Ahnung, alle 2 Wochen was posten willst oder mehr oder weniger... vollkommen egal :)

    Hm, bist du eigentlich auch Samstags arbeiten? Vielleicht brauchst du auch als Ausgleich mal ne schöne Aktivität am Wochenende? Vielleicht einfach mal einen Abend das Renovieren beiseite legen und mal ins Kino gehen, oder so, das gibt neue Kraft :)


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