Saturday, November 16, 2013

November rain, being plain.

Hey there!

I figured instead of wondering what I could write about I should probably just start to write about what comes to my mind more often. I really like to think of this place as my diary, so why not write down what I do, even if it's probably not the most exciting thing :)

Today I met a group of friends from my high school time. I've been a bit self conscious about meeting with this group of girls for a while because I always kinda felt 'the odd one out' in a group of 'normal' people. Talk about 'grown-up stuff' like marriage (two them - they're all at my age - are engaged now) and who dated who and what happened to whom made me feel awkward because I couldn't contribute to such topics. I just generally felt like I didn't have much to talk about with them after we left school. But with time, this just... changed. Maybe I just grew up a little bit? I just realize now that even though we lead different lives we can still be friends and meet and have fun. And there are topics all of us are interested in and like to talk about :)
Do you have that kind of group of friends, that you've known for a very long time and still stick around, even though you maybe changed a lot and don't really have much in common anymore?
I am just glad it works out well again and I don't feel out of place and awkward around them anymore! I hope it will stay like this. As I have a hard time making new friends because I'm incredibly socially awkward, I am really trying to treasure the friends I have more!

I gladly took the excuse to war some make up again! Too bad my favorite lashes for such looks broke last time I tried to clean them, but I think this autumn-panda-smokey-eye-thingie works out okay without them as well.

 I just always realize how uneven my make up looks when I look at the photos, but never in the mirror. Stupid asymmetrical face D:

And the shape of my eyelids sucks. But I think I mentioned that before.

Since I haven't met the girls since August they had a belated birthday present for me! I got some decoration stuff for my apartment and a cookie jar (which is great because Christmas is coming and I will bake, bake, bake!!) aaaaand the porbably second most awesome shark-themed birthday present I got:

Sharky, the oven mitt!

Isn't he cute? Really a great present, especially since we had to throw away our old oven mitts because they were old and had holes in the crucial places. XD I especially appreciated the fact that Sharky is pale blue, my favorite color, haha! Now he inhabits the kitchen and seems to enjoy it very much. That reminds me, I wanted to give you a virtual room tour through my apartment when it's finished, but as of now there are still some parts of the kitchen missing, so I'll have to postpone that! Hopefully I can make a video or at least show you some photos before Christmas.

Talking about Christmas. Do you have any wishes yet?
I have tons. It's so funny when my boyfriend tells me 'Ohh I really don't know what I should get you for Christmas!' and I keep thinking... 'Dude... there's a giant wish list on my blog, it's really not THAT difficult!' 
But usually he wants to get me something more unqiue and creative, so he tries to come up with something on his own, so I understand why it's more difficult. Also, he doesn't like me wearing Lolita, so all of the Lolita items on my wishlist wouldn't be an option, which drastically shortens it already XD

Today, I also went to the Open Campus Day of a nearby university where I'd like to study at after my Master's degree. I really, really, really wanna get into that PhD program but it's probably gonna be super hard and there is very tough competition to get in. I already applied for an internship once and wasn't taken, and it made me really miserable, so I am constantly wondering if I should really apply again because I don't know if I could handle the disappointment if I didn't make it.

Seriously, it's kinda frustrating, I tried so hard to get as many qualifications as possible and have an impressing CV with a lot of practical experience, but in the end it always seems to come down to who has the best grades. And I really don't have that good grades. I am okay, maybe above average, but nothing special. I applied for a merit scholarship at my previous university because I felt confident enough to give it a try with my 1.17 grade average of the last year but knowing that two years ago, people with better grades didn't get the scholarship I am really not expecting anything anymore. And I know that at the university my grades will only get worse than that, because exams are more chaotic and therefore more difficult. So altogether, I am just not very confident that I can achieve anything above average with my not-exceptional grades and not-exceptional enough CV.

But I keep thinking about one thing a friend from Finland told me a few days ago. I had frustratedly commented on facebook how I'll just never be good enough at any one thing I'm doing because I like so many different things, and he told me that there's a saying in Turku that basically translates to

"If you can't be the best, be different"

I thought a lot about these words and the truth behind them.
I know I'm not the best at one thing and probably will never be. But this thought kinda cheered me up. Maybe, one day, being 'different' will be sufficient. Until then, I try my best to be as good as possible, even if I know I can't be 'the best'.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some thoughts, but that's it for tonight!
I hope you can enjoy the rest of your week end!


  1. Ich finde es schön, dass du noch alte Bekannte aus der Schulzeit hast, die du gerne wiedersehen würdest. Bei mir sind da höchstens zwei bis drei Leute, die ich nicht total ätzend finde, und meine beste Freundin befindet sich bereits darunter. Und ich möchte noch sagen, dass ich Sharky total cool finde.

  2. Oh, your make-up is amazing. *w* I love it so much.
    Interesting post.
    bai, Shiki


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