The year 2013 is coming to an end, and this also makes it almost a year that I've left Finland to come back to Austria. Last year around that time I was on holiday at home, enjoying two weeks off from work in Austria, but knowing I would go back to Finland after a few days.
The mere thought about it makes me very, very home sick. While my work there might not have been the most enjoyable, I miss about everything else about Finland. Especially the snow - we're having around 5 to 10°C here at the moment.
A piece of my heart really stayed in Finland when I left in Febrary 2013, but I had to move on, and now all that I can do is hope that I can return there soon!
But other things happened in 2013 as well, and that's why I decided to do the annual review again. I've been using these questions several times now, but I think they're pretty good to summarize everything. So here we go!
What is your predominant feeling for the upcoming year?
I honestly have no idea. Currently my emotions are not very positive most of the time and as for 2014 I am only wishing that I will be better. I am scared that I will be hopelessly overwhelmed by my life like I am now, but I hope that I will learn to manage.
What did you do for the very first time in 2013?
Been to a Finish hospital, went to Lapland where I joined a Husky sleigh tour, been to my first J-Fashion meet up in Austria, got my first academic degree as Bachelor of Science in Engineering, started to renovate my very own apartment, and probably had the worst time of my life doing it, went to a Lolita Tea Party and even modeled for Innocent World there, and just this month organized my first Lolita meet up in Vienna.
Quite a few accomplishments this year!
Oh, and I had my first ever true lucid dream! It really was an incredible experience.
After my final exams - when my biggest worries were if I'd get scolded for my dress for the graduation ceremony because it had a skull print, haha
What did you do again after a long time in 2013?
Home improvement - if it can be called that. I spent some time during my childhood on a construction site, when I was 10 my parents started to build a house and of course I helped a lot. In our apartment I did much more than back then of course, but anyway it reminded me a lot of those times.
What did you unfortunately not do at all in 2013?
I didn't get my second tattoo that my boyfriend intended to get me as a graduation 'present'. I plan to get it done this winter though, getting tattooed in summer was hellish the last time.
What's your "song of the year"?
My favorite song of the year was definitely I Will Be The End Of You by HIM!
One of my favorite selfies this year, haha
What's your favorite CD of the year?
Similarly my favorite CD was HIM's new album Tears On Tape. Ohhh how much I love it! Every song has a bit of an old album in it, like W.L.S.T.D. has a bit of a Venus Doom feel to it, and my favorite song I Will Be The End Of You reminds me of Love Metal. All in all it's a great album, I especially enjoy the fact that there are instrumental pieces too on the album. I was very happy that I could see HIM live two times this year, once on Nova Rock Festival and then again later that year when they came to Vienna. They are still my favorite band after all those years and I am happy I still like their music that much :)
What was your favorite book of the year?
I started to read A Song of Ice and Fire this year after watching the TV series and I really liked the books. At the moment I'm at the third book and I'm really looking forward to reaching the parts that I don't know from the TV show yet, haha. We also started to read the The Witcher books by Andrzej Sapkowski due to the upcoming third Witcher game. It's kinda hard to get the books here, as we're also reading them in English because we don't trust the German translators of fantasy novels. Have you ever read Warcraft books? The German versions are abysmally bad, at least some of them.
Well, if there's a single 'book of the year' I have to name I'd say it's "The Last Wish" from the Witcher series, because I have a crush on Geralt, there you have it!
What was your favorite movie of the year?
Hmm I actually watched quite a bunch of movies this year, we went to the cinema a few times during renovating because we just 'had to get out' from time to time. However, none of the movies I saw really struck me as that exceptional, haha. But I really liked Catching Fire and Warm Bodies. Which reminds me, I wanted to read the book of the latter.
My favorite photo of the year :3
What was your favorite TV show of the year?
Definitely Doctor Who!
We only started to watch it in December but it definitely turned out to be my favorite series of 2013. I knew Torchwood before Doctor Who so I was kinda familiar with some elements of the story, as I looked up some things like Captian Jack's backstory and such. But it was really great to finally see all those stories wholly and to also meet again characters from Torchwood.
I don't really know why we didn't start to watch Doctor Who earlier. I remember that I saw an episode with the ninth Doctor in Austrian TV some time ago and found it utterly weird and confusing. Now I know that Doctor Who, just like Torchwood, is just something you can't just really jump into somewhere in the middle of a season. I also refused to watch Torchwood for quite a long time because I found it to be so weird, but when I started to watch it from the beginning I really grew to love it.
Oh god that reminds me I dreamed of a Doctor Who themed Lolita meet up last night. Hahaha.
What was your videogame of the year?
Huuuuh that's a difficult one because I haven't really played that many games.
Except for some Fallout 3 which I really enjoyed, but when university started I somehow didn't really have time to 'dive into it' anymore. But I highly anticipated and loved Pokémon X, especially since I convinced my boyfriend to get Y and play it with me. He hasn't played any Pokémon game since RBY so it was quite the 'shock' for him, but it was so cool to have someone to share the game experiences with :3
3 things you could have lived without:
~ The chaos and stress related to my start at the new university
~ The chaos and stress related to our apartment.
~ Generally, the time between June and December.
Your best idea this year?
Probably to go to the University of Vienna. I spent roughly the first half of the year wondering what I should do with myself after my Bachelor. I have a dream job that I'd love to have one day but I know that I'm probably not good enough to get it. However, studying at the university of Vienna also showed me a lot of other possibilities and I got to know many institutes that would employ people with my profile after I graduate. So I am now more confident that if I don't get accepted at my 'dream university' it won't be the end of the world.
The other great idea I had was to finally consult a psychologist with my various little problems. I never talked about this before, and I probably won't do it again, but I wanted to mention it, because after literally years of struggling, I am glad I finally found the courage to go and ask for help. Because as much as I wish I could, I can't handle everything by myself anymore.
At several points throughout the year I was wondering what to do with my hair. I love my hair, I love the black color and the fact that it's grown so long by now... but at the same time it's getting really annoying. Especially now in winter when it only gets in the way with coats and bag straps, and it's also by now really, really heavy. I was thinking about bleaching my hair and maybe cutting it shorter. I got several wigs this year to try out different styles and I really crave pastel hair. but I know that keeping pastel hair good looking and healthy is even more bothersome than my black hair now, and I know I probably would be too lazy to redye it that often etc. But maybe next year I'll change my hair...
The worst thing that happened this year?
I honestly can't really think of a particular event that I would describe as 'the worst'. I was really sad when I left Finland, but also happy to be back with my boyfriend in Austria. I was disappointed when our apartment renovation didn't go as planned but I am really happy and thankful to have this place. I was devastated when I got a rejection for the summer job I had applied to, and the other job I found was hard work and not much fun, but in the end it turned out really well and I am even able to get it accredited as practical course for my studies.
So, I can't really say that there was one really bad thing this year. Maybe the fact that I stopped Pilates and gained weight? But that's just my own fault, haha.
The best thing that happened this year?
The best thing is probably that I got chosen to model for Innocent World at the Tea Party in Vienna. I think I have never in my life received a larger confidence boost. It was such an honor to be part of the fashion show!
New Year's Resolutions?
I already started with one of my resolutions last week - I started to write a dream diary. As I mentioned before I had a lucid dream for the first time of my life. For a long time I wanted to train the ability to have lucid dreams but never really had the persistence to do it properly. Especially writing a dream diary was always very tough for me because I dream an awful lot of stuff. But now that I experienced for the first time what lucid dreaming truly feels like I want to give it another try. I started a dream diary on my computer, because typing is faster than writing, but I'll have to get used to getting up a bit earlier and writing down what I dreamed before I start my usual morning routine. I'm really motivated to do it, though.
The second resolution is, as every year, to start to be more healthy and fit. I did a lot of Pilates during May and June when I studied for my exam at the university, and I felt pretty good during that time. Then came the renovation and I was just so tired and exhausted all of the time that I couldn't keep up with the training and clean eating. And when autumn arrived and it got a bit cooler again we were in the middle of the moving mess and my motivation was sub zero. I found excuses all the time - first I was ill, then I had no time or was too stressed, then I broke my toe... but with January 2014, I wanna start taking up Pilates again and I set myself the goal of doing one full year of Cassey's Blogilates program. I won't be mad at myself if I can't keep up but I'll just try my best to be back on track again. I don't mind about my weight or anything that much, it's more the 'feeling' that matters. I wanna feel good again. That's what's important to me.
Oh, and in January I also wanna do the 30 Days Lolita Challenge, but I'm unsure how to split the posts. I don't wanna do one post every day, because I think it would probably be boring for my non-Lolita interested readers, so probably it will be every 5th or 6th day a collection of questions from the challenge :)
Oh, and I really hope I'll be able to show you some pics or a video of my apartment soon™ !
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The year 2012 was really full of changes. I moved three times this year, first from Turku to Vienna, then to my parents' place on the countryside, and then to our own place and our new apartment. Living alone with my boyfriend is wonderful and I love our apartment, but I'm also currently in a kind a"unstable" mental state and I have problems with daily tasks, which was one of the main reasons that really made me realized that it's time to seek professional help.
I sometimes kinda miss our life we had in Vienna. Living together with other people was just different, often challenging, but also lots of fun. Most of the time we got along, and I guess I'm just the kind of person who will always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. While I am socially awkward and probably not much fun to be around, it was somehow good to be around other people. And living in Vienna was just very convenient too.
And I also miss the life I had in Finland. While living at the student village was troublesome most of the time, and my social awkwardness inhibited me from making many friends during my stay abroad, it was an experience a cherish a lot. And I also think this distance from everything in Austria was good for me too at that time. And the two weeks I spent with my boyfriend in Turku and Lapland was among the best of times I ever had.
As every year I wanted to make a little collage with photos from each month. I realized I have very few photos from August till November, I also didn't blog a lot this year in general. I hope that will change for the better next year, too :)
I don't think I changed very much during the last year. Neither did I gain a lot of confidence nor did I learn anything truly insightful about myself. From time to time I still look at myself in a mirror and just want to cry because of the face I see. At other times I feel okay and even think I look fine. I think I still have a long way to go before I can forget about all this, and I sometimes feel ashamed of being so vain. I wonder why beauty is so important to me, when I care about appearance so little in other people, yet I make myself crazy about it when it comes to myself.
Ironically I think Lolita and my love for the fashion helped me deal with that - to some extent. I doll myself up and wear wigs and unusual clothes and change myself completely, have my few hours of fun at a meet up, and then I go back to being 'normal' and just my usualy (ugly) self. I can separate the two things and knowing that there is Lolita fashion to cheer me up helps me get through days where I am just boring old ugly me. It sounds weird, but that's how I feel at the moment. Also, I look at pictures of myself in doll make up and find that I don't even look that different from usual. Yet I get a lot of compliments. It makes me realize that what makes me beautiful during such times is the confidence I have hen i wear these clothes and that makeup. The only danger is that this sometimes can backfire and make me think I'm ugly, no matter how much make up I wear. But these incidents are rare, and I hope I'll get rid of these nasty thoughts one day entirely and be a happy, joyful person.
Well, that was my year 2013 for you.
I truly can't believe how fast time passed by. It feels like yesterday that I was still living in Turku, and sitting here in my own apartment in a small town in Austria can only be described as very surreal. I am glad though, no matter how much I complain I am very, very thankful for what I have and appreciate everything. I know it sometimes doesn't come across like that, but it's a fact.
I hope you lot had a fantastic year 2013 and I wish you all the best for the next year.
Thank you for reading my blog during all that time, and welcome to the new readers who came along during this year, and I hope you all will enjoy reading about the things I want to share with the world in the future too!
So thank you, everyone, and have a great New Year!