Ah, this week seems like it has been dragging on forever... coming next week I will star to have exams again so I wanted to relax a bit but in the end I feel like I just wasted my time mostly :< I don't seem to be able to get anything done lately, my motivation is absolute zero and somehow I am really unhappy about my life.
At the beginning of the week, I met my friend Mimi for dinner and chatting, it was really nice to have a good reason to get out of the house and wear some make up and such. We had a lot of fun together!
I was wearing my new white dress and wanted some color to "contrast" it all, so I decided to wear my clip in extensions from last summer. I sewed them together lately so I don't have to wear a ton of clips on my head anymore, now they look much better! My real hair was refusing to do what I wanted it to do though, so I ended up looking a bit weird...
Also, I couldn't get a good outfit photo, duh.
I'm not to sure about this dress. When I tried it on in the shop it looked so nice and all, now I think, I don't know, it's unflattering and baaah. I'm really not too happy with myself at the moment...
I've been thinking about getting some color into my hair. I'd love to have blue hair like my extensions, but knowing myself I know that it would drive me mad to have colored hair that might not "perfectly" match my clothes. With black hair, it's so much easier, because it matches pretty much anything. Well, I don't know. Maybe I should get a long black wig and wear my own hair short and colorful. Then again, I'm pretty proud of how long my hair is already, I can't imagine "giving it up" :< it's a difficult decision!
Other than the little meet up with Mimi my week has been super boring and pretty depressing. I'm starting to doubt myself or rather, my choice of study more and more. The more time passes, the more I think I'm not cut out for this. I love science, I love to learn new things and I like to work in a lab but... I am incredibly scared that I won't find a job after I graduate, I don't want to have to move away... there are many countries I'd like to visit one day and can even imagine myself living in, but for the next few years I'd just love to have a "home" and not move around again :<
I seriously feel pretty much like a stranded mermaid, flailing around aimlessly while slowly drying out on land. I just don't know what to do with my life anymore.
It's a stupid situation. Maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated if the situation with my job had worked out different or if I had had a chance to experience something different during my Bachelor internship. I don't know. I just don't know how to feel about the perspective of spending my life and probably most of my waking hours as underpaid lab slave, which I will probably end up as. I recently thought, if I have to accept the fact that I probably will be not payed at all or severely underpaid for the next few years of my life, I might as well work a job that doesn't require me to take stressful exams and write another thesis. Bah, it's just not a very happy thought to live with right now.
Anyway, I'm trying to distract myself from my duties by playing video games, sewing and procrastinating. I'll probably give you an update on my JSK project pretty soon!
And maybe next week after that big exam I'll be in a better mood - I sure hope so!